Thoughts For A Child
by Souma Kyoulina
Summary: Characters' thoughts on the Zazie episode... R&R! ^_^. \\// *complete*
1. Nicholas D. Wolfwood

DISCLAIMER: Trigun…Trigun? Where? Where? Not under my ownership!  
  
  
  
Something new for you guys! ^_^. My mom bought me a lizard as an early b- day gift and I ended up naming him Zazie, which brought this lil ficcy into my head. I find Zazie to be extremely underloved…or whatever. Tis another thought fic. Sorry they're so short. Anyways, yeah…enjoy!  
  
  
  
Wolfwood  
  
I can't believe I had to do that. He was just a child, just a little kid. I hate irony. I hate the fact that I had been chosen as the one to kill the kid.  
  
I don't know what's worse, killing him or everyone's reactions afterwards. The anger and hurt on Vash's face, the shock on the petite woman's face, and the disappointment from the big girl. They all pierced through me, all these emotions. I was feeling everything that they were.  
  
There's always an alternative, huh? I'm sorry Tongari, but I just didn't see any other option. You once asked what kind of churchman I was. Truth is, not a very good one. I kill, smoke, sin… I thought that I was making up for all that by taking care of orphans, and here I just killed one.  
  
I'm crying now. Thank God I'm alone. Not even a cigarette will make me feel better right now.  
  
God dammit! Why a child? Why me? I don't understand! Is this a punishment? Is there something to be learned from all this? Was he right? Was there another way to end this?  
  
No. I made the right decision, the only decision. Had I not done anything, Vash and perhaps even both Insurance girls would be dead. I'd rather have only one death instead of three, I guess.  
  
I do not understand! Why is that kid's death affecting me so much? I've killed many people, why is this death having such an impact on me?  
  
I don't blame any of them for hating me. Truthfully, I hate myself for this. I should leave now. I don't think I'd be missed much if I went back to my orphanage.  
  
Being hated is the worst feeling in the world. I thought of Vash as my best friend, the only one I could consider a close friend. It hurts to be hated by your best friend. The smaller girl, I was just starting to get use to her. She can be nice at times. It hurts to be hated by her as well. Big Girl. She looked so sad and disappointed. I didn't want to hurt her. I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt her. Being hated by her hurts most of all.  
  
I didn't think she was capable of hating anyone, but the look on her face showed me that she was close to that emotion.  
  
I'm sorry kid. I have nothing against you personally. I did it to save my friends. I guess, maybe it was a bad decision. You're dead and I'm friendless. Heh. It's amazing how much death and loneliness are alike. So you see kid, we're not really all that different.  
  
~ Poor Wolfie! He needs a hug! T_T. We all know that killing Zazie tore the poor dear up inside. Thankfully Millie was there for him in episode 23 *cough*sandwiches*cough*. Anyways, hope you enjoyed! Stick around for the next chapter… 


	2. Meryl Stryfe

DISCLAIMER: Yup, don't own it…don't sue me….  
  
  
  
Meryl  
  
Oh my God, he's dead. That little boy. I can't believe…right in front of my eyes. Wolfwood~san just…just…  
  
No! I won't believe it! He can't be dead. Just…just unconscious. Yeah, that's it, it has to be. Wolfwood~san would never kill a child, he loves children.  
  
Why isn't he moving? Oh God, why is he so still? Oh God, is he really..? Calm down Meryl! This is no time to lose your cool!  
  
A quick motion catches my eye and I see the aftermath of what just happened. Wolfwood~san walking away, Vash holding a hand to his reddening face.  
  
The child in my arms sniffles and I feel my own tears stalking my eyes. I look beside me, expecting to see Millie crying heavily. Instead, she's staring off in the direction that black-clad priest had gone. She's holding the little boy close as he cries on her shoulder.  
  
She turns to look at the ground in front of us. She hasn't shed a single tear, yet her expression is troubled.  
  
She's right. She may not realize it, but she's absolutely right. Now is not the time to break down. We must stay in control of ourselves, of the situation.  
  
The little girl in my arms looks up at me, still crying.  
  
"Is he coming back? He's just sleeping right?" She asks, her voice shaky. What can I say? What is there to say? I can't lie to her but I don't want to scare her either.  
  
"Yes, he's asleep dear. He's going to be sleeping a long time. I'm afraid he's not coming back to play anytime soon," I answered, the emotion trying to get the better of me.  
  
"Did the preacher man hurt him?" She asked. Again, I was taken aback. Luckily, I had a pretty satisfactory answer.  
  
"No. Wolfwood~san helped him. He took the pain away from him. See how peaceful looking he is now? That's because he can't hurt anymore," I did my best to explain. Quietly, the little girl laid her head on my shoulder and I felt her tiny arms go around my neck.  
  
Looking around, I see Vash kneeling beside the dead child. Tears are streaming down his face. He doesn't take death very well, and having a child die, well, I guess that's enough to throw him over the edge. Beside me, Millie's talking to the little boy she'd been holding. Being her usual Millie self, she's trying to be optimistic.  
  
I hug the girl closer for a second, then put her down. There's someone else who needs comfort right now, and Millie's occupied with the children, so I'm the only one left.  
  
I slowly walk to him and kneel to the ground beside him. He silently looks at me, then back down on the boy. He's still crying, causing the same to happen to me. I put my hand on his shoulder, a signal of comfort.  
  
He's so pitiful, I can't help myself. I might be smaller than him, but I hug him anyway. I hug him like I would one of the children. To hell with my hard exterior. This is an exception. Death is always an exception.  
  
  
  
~Alrighty guys. Lemme know what you think. This was the hardest thing I think I've ever written! Meryl is just plain difficult to write!! I wanted her to be her usual control freak self, but it seemed that she should come off it a bit at that scene. I dunno. Next chapter coming up soon!! 


	3. Vash the Stampede

DISCLAIMER: Oh! Look! I found some of those Valentine's Conversation Hearts! But all the messages are depressing. They all remind me that I don't own Trigun. -.-*  
  
  
  
Vash  
  
  
  
Poor kid. It didn't have to end like this. Damn you Wolfwood! He was letting up! He wouldn't have killed me! He wouldn't have! There's always an alternative to killing!  
  
The tears are flowing on their on free will. I'm standing over his body, just staring. I should reposition him. He's all sprawled out over the ground. His face is pulled in an expression of pain and fear. Leaning down, I place him gently on his back and cross his arms over his chest. A cliché position but, in my mind, the most peaceful. I cover his eyes with my hand and, in a downward motion, close them. This done, I let into my emotions.  
  
I'm kneeling beside his body, crying. I hate death. This child had barely begun his life and already it had been stolen from him. Stolen from him by a man of God, no less.  
  
I feel a presence beside me and turn to see one of the Insurance girls sitting down. It's the smaller one, Meryl. Her expression betrays the same emotion I feel. She puts a hand on my shoulder to comfort me, but it only makes me cry more. I want to be alone, that's it. Simply alone, by myself, no company. But I also don't want to be mean and hurt the Insurance girl's feelings.  
  
I'm so upset that I hardly realize that she's holding me, hugging me close. But, despite my lack of interest in company, this feels good; feels…familiar. Rem…Yes, she feels like Rem.  
  
I hug her back and try to stop crying. I need to sober up. I have work that needs to be done. This would have never happened if it wasn't for my brother. I have to find him and stop him. I have to talk him out of what he's planning. Let him know that sending people after me isn't working; that letting innocent children die will not make me agree with him.  
  
The Insurance girl let go and leaned over Zazie…the boy. I could tell that she had let her guard down and had been crying while she was holding me. I hadn't noticed, but the two guns that Zazie had used were beside the body. She picks up both of the guns. An enraged expression crosses her pretty face. She angrily throws the guns down and I can feel her despair. She feels the same way I do. Something needs to be done before another child has to die.  
  
~ Hey! Two chapters in one day! That's pretty good for me! But that also brings the sad news that this fic's almost over. Just two more chapters until THE END. *sniff, sniff* Oh well. Lemme know what ya think! ^_^. \\// 


	4. Millie Thompson

DISCLAIMER: I own none of Trigun. And I can pretty much bet that you don't either. ^_^. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Millie  
  
I feel numb. I don't want to believe what I just saw. I don't want to believe that Bokushi~san just shot that little boy.  
  
I can still hear the gunshot, smell the gun smoke from the Punisher, although it has been a few minutes since Bokushi~san left. He looked so sad when he left. I think it's weird that he was the one chosen to kill him. The one who loves children the most was forced to kill a child. It's sad.  
  
But I don't hate him. He only did what he thought was right. In his eyes, he was the only hope for Vash~san and Senpai. Maybe even me. How can I hate someone who's intent was to save, not murder?  
  
I'm not going to cry, I can't. Vash~san and Senpai have already shed their tears. I think maybe Bokushi~san may be crying too, but that's just a guess. I, on the other hand, can't cry. I have to be strong, not just for myself, but also for the children around me.  
  
The children need someone to look up to, someone who's strong. I'm not strong, but I have to be right now. Being the youngest of ten, I know that young people react better to someone who's calm than to someone who's hysterical.  
  
I put the young boy on the ground and dropped to my knees. Almost immediately, the orphans began to swarm around me. The same little boy sits in my lap and the girl that Senpai was holding comes to my side and grabs my hand. I tried to smile at the orphans but all I saw was sadness in their eyes.  
  
"Why did that man do that?" A little boy asked me.  
  
"The pwetty lady told me tha' it was cus he didn't want him to hurt anymores," the little girl holding my hand said.  
  
"Senpai's right," I explained. "He had an evil man controlling him and making him do mean, bad things. Bokushi~san wanted to make sure that man can't do that anymore." That might have been a scary, maybe harsh explanation, but children expect the truth. They don't want the sugarcoated details; they can come up with those themselves. They want to know the exact truth, so that's what I gave, to the best of my knowledge.  
  
"But he'sth a preacher isthn't he?" Another girl asked through a lisp. I nodded and I feel a pang in my heart as they all look at me. They all have the look of betrayal in their eyes. This incident is going to scar them for life. They've just seen a man of God, supposedly the purest, kindest role model, take a life.  
  
"The name doesn't always make the person," I answered. I was thinking more of Vash~san, but I guess this applies to Bokushi~san too.  
  
I have to stay strong. I cannot cry, although I feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I fear that the tears will come every time I blink. Maybe it will help if we cry, all of us. Some of the children already are crying. With good reason. One of their own is dead. A child. A child did not need to die.  
  
I'm crying now. I can't help myself. I feel the girl squeeze my hand. It scares children to see adults crying. I try to stop my crying as I remember this, yet it's not working. I hear small sniffles and look up to see that every single one of the orphans are crying now too. I hold out my arms and a flock of children swarm me. I hold them as close as possible and we all cry. It feels good, I must admit. Crying always makes you feel better.  
  
  
  
~There ya go! There's Millie's POV. I kinda wanted to show an "inner intelligence" with her. And I figured since she's the youngest of such a HUGE family, she would know a lot about little kids…Only one more chapter till this is over *sniff, sniff*. Thanks to you guys for all your reviews!!! 


	5. Millions Knives

DISCLAIMER: As far as I know, Trigun doesn't belong to me. If it does, would someone please inform me, then peel me off the floor.  
  
  
  
Knives  
  
What a disappointment. I actually had some sort of hope in you. I thought perhaps you might be able to do something to help out. But no, you go and get yourself shot. What a disappointment.  
  
I treated you so well and you failed me. Compared to all the other vermin serving me, you had it good. Had you succeeded, I might have begun to like you, maybe even love you. But you've ruined those chances.  
  
You messed up in two ways, kid. First, if you had harmed my brother, I would have killed you, no matter who you were. And secondly, you achieved nothing. You truly were useless. Almost as useless as that pitiful-excuse- of-a-human mother of yours.  
  
Speaking of which, I don't think my brother or his friends ever detected the lie. They never once suspected that your mother was murdered and your father is still alive. Ironic isn't it? You get to be with your mother now. You're just like her. You had no right to carry the title of half-plant.  
  
That's right boy. You were half plant. You would think it would have been harder for you to die. Pitiful. Had it never occurred to you why I took you in and let you live? You were born with promise, just as Vash and I were. You could've help rule as a superior being. Of course, you would always be under me, considering your blood was tainted with that of a human's. But every one makes mistakes. That just happened to be one of mine.  
  
We plants get bored every now and then, and miserable humans are the only ones to play with. You were the result of that. But you couldn't even fulfill your purpose. Oh well. Now I will not be humiliated and no one will ever know that I had a worthless half-human for a son.  
  
  
  
~ Wow. Not exactly what ya expected, huh? Me either, actually. But I got to thinking, who knows what Knives would do if he ever got bored…Besides, it doesn't really go into depth about Zazie's family or anything. Plus, Knives' ain't perfect! ~_^. Well, this fic is now over *sniff, sniff* Review and let me know what ya thought!! 


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